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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

It's an eyes-half-open kind of night

I'm almost asleep. It's been 6 months since I last wrote on here and I'm sorry for that.

I've been thinking. Thinking a lot since school got out. Thinking about small worlds.

Today, I went to the eye doctor. A pretty mundane activity. But the technician took me in the book and had me stare at that little black box in the computer screen and told me to click the mouse when it blurred. And for several minutes, that little screen with the box was my whole world.

It reminds me of a time not long ago in February, when I was at Camp Sunshine. Working with the littlest ones, we were the first group to head out for horse-drawn carriage rides. The other counselors and I each bundled up several kids. We wrapped and wrapped them in scarves galore. Finally we had 14 tiny little beings, stumbling about in their oversized winter gear. Each had seen more than they should have. Whether patient or sibling, they had all spent too much time in busy hospital halls with the florescent lights and beeping monitors. This must feel so serene to them, being in the quiet of a snowy Maine winter.
Finally, we got onto the carriage, and I held one of the youngest, Ronan. Too little to climb the ladder, I hoisted him onto my hip. We sat in the back of the wagon, our own little corner. I wrapped him up in a fleece blanket. His little nose poked out, his hat almost covering his eyes. And for those wobbling moments on the back of a wooden cart in rural Maine, Ronan was my only focus. He was my world. I stared into his soft blue eyes and clutched his fleshy hands wrapped up in tiny mittens. He didn't make a sound. He didn't squirm. He almost fell asleep. It was Ronan and I, cuddled in close, a bright-eyed baby boy and me. He was my whole world.

I love that focus that comes in tiny experiences. You'd never think back to them unless...unless what? Unless the stroke of genius returned whispering, Remember this moment. It's worth something.


Friday, June 28, 2013

So Fully.

Hey Everyone. It's been crazy. I'm off to Costa Rica, so here's a post to enjoy while I'm gone.

I believe in myself so fully. I can conquer fear and live and love and believe and go. Go.

I believe so fully in what I stand for, in my ideals, in my purpose, that I know I can go out into the world on my own. I'm going to need help here and there. I'm going to fall and trip and tackle the ground on accident. But I'm going to be okay, because there's a little voice inside of me that remembers that...I'm ok. I'm ok.

And beyond that...I have strength and I'm lucky and I'm loved. And I believe in love so fully, so passionately and deeply, that I know I can do anything and love will follow me through. Because as soon as we realize that love is all there is--self-love and romantic love and motherly love and just plain love--we can really live.
I can do anything with love on my side.

Amber, thanks for teaching me about love. Puppy love, in particular. Now I know what that means, and I'm so glad to have shared that with you, baby doll.

Have a gorgeous and inspired summer, everyone! And I hope you all have a little voice inside of you too ;)


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Love What You Cannot Understand

Good evening, lovies! I hope you had a great day.

I was visiting my grandpa this weekend, and I realize that I always find myself overanalyzing people and situations and decisions that others make. And judging them. Ohhh, that word. Judgement. I wish it wasn't true, but we all have a bias for something. And I just recently realized that I need to separate these. Judgement and understanding. Just because I judge something (and I'm always trying to judge more gently), does not mean I have to understand it. Woah. I do not HAVE to understand anything. Isn't that kind of cool? 

Now, personally, I am all about jumping into life and shouting with joy all the way through. So. I'm going to love everything I do not understand. Just put my whole heart into it and embrace it, whether my brain is able to comprehend its divets and secrets and strange crevices. 

Don't take that the wrong way. I'm not going to love those horrible tragedies that I don't understand. I don't love the Westboro Baptist Church (yeah, that's the one you always hear about on the news) or the leaders of the Holocaust or anything like that. Because I think that some part of me does understand, and that's the part of me that grieves with parents and friends and children when a loved one dies. I don't understand why these things happen, but I do understand the kindness and love that we can surround these events with.

Anyway. So. Love what you do not understand. Just love it! It's that simple. Allow your mind to relish in the bright wonders of something you know nothing about.

And don't forget to spread kindness along the way.

Much love,
Julia xx.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I Want to See You Be Brave

Guys. Have you heard this song? Brave by Sarah Barielles? It is so fabulous. And it makes me want to see you be brave.
Click here to see the Lyric Video.
And also. Omg. Hannah Brencher. I can't say enough amazing things about her. I could go on, but you'd better just read this...

So, ladies. Let the words fall out. Honestly. Be a person. Do not just exist. Live, because the truth is that this is all we have. I read a quote recently, something like, "No matter how long you live, the first twenty years of your life are the longest." That's terrifying. I'm 16. Someday, there's not going to be any time left. Let's get to it.

Also, I know this is not a rant blog...but just a quick bit...can you guys help me with this? We need to SHOUT FROM THE ROOFTOPS about pediatric cancer! We will find a cure for this monster. I promise. That's how much faith I have in our effort to end this once and for all. We just need to work together.

With love and encouragement (and all of my support behind you),
Julia xx.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013


Hi guys.

I spent a good portion of the day mad. Really angry about something stupid running through my head. I was a tumbling rumbling ball of anxiety.

And then I got home. And I realized something. There are children in this world who have cancer. They have CANCER, PEOPLE! Okay. Maybe that didn't sink in. CHILDREN ARE DYING! And I am sitting here being mad at some girl who was just annoying me. There's a disconnect. That's not logical.

Let's put EVERY SINGLE OUNCE of our beings into LOVE. Okay, I'll admit it--yes, that did sound like a total hippie statement and yes, I do realize we are not in 1970. But seriously! Can't we just let passion pulse through our veins and very sinew and just LOVE? I think that's what we are put here to do.

I don't have a medical degree. I don't have a steady income (unless feeding your neighbors' cat once a year counts). So I can't cure cancer. But we can as a whole, and I fully believe that. However, I do have an abundance of love. A lot of times, it flows out of me, gushing, rushing, pushing through the endless walls of hate and intolerance in this world. And so I sat at my desk. And I wrote a card to my little Brady, whose page I follow on Facebook. He's four. He loves trains and playing outside. Oh. And he practically lives in a hospital. With stage 4 neuroblastoma (I'll just remind you gently that this took the PRECIOUS life of Ronan Thompson), he can't be a normal kid. His parents are overworked and overworried and all they can do is love him. That's all any of us can do, love. So I wrote him a card and wrapped up some fun toys (in case you were wondering, yes, I do have a giant stack of new inflatable sea creatures in my closet--don't ask) and sent it off. And you know what? I'm not even mad anymore.

With every fiber of your being, who is it that you'll love?

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

We Need Change. We Need You.

Good evening!

Sorry about that brief stretch of time where this blog was the last thing on my mind.  Sometimes, I am so busy chasing happiness and trying to spread it that I forget to reflect on it. But now I'm here.

First off. The Boston explosions. Terrible, terrible. Words fail me, as they often do when I'm struck with the news of a tragedy. Every muscle and bone and sinew in my body aches for the victims and their families. Little Martin, most of all. Buddy, you're a brave kid. I promise to change this world just for you.

Second on the social change front: today's failure to pass the gun control bill. For real, people? The families of dead 6 year olds are weeping in front of you and you can't pick your head up and NOTICE that the time is now to change the world?! Sometimes politicians really are the most dumb members of society. Don't worry, Newtown families, we will change that too. I promise.

Ok. Sorry for pushing my opinions on others. I know you don't all feel the same way that I do, and that's fine. We all have different opinions and backgrounds and minds That's what makes us America. And I guess that makes us strong in horrible times like this when the whole country wants to crack and sob and crumble and mourn at the feet of a father who was just trying to enjoy a nice time with his family, who sheds tears over the loss of not just his son, but of all the sons in the world. He carries the weight of all the mourning in the world with him. And he is still fighting for the life of his wife and 6-year-old. What a difficult world. Surely, that's something we can all agree on.

Can we all just take a minute here, wherever you are in cyberspace, and be SO UNBELIEVABLY THANKFUL for this day? You were put here for some reason. Maybe that reason is the simple fact that it was a sunny day, one just for you to enjoy. Maybe it's so you can cure cancer (don't get me started...we need someone to do that too). Or maybe it's so you can be a good mom or dad or grandson or neighbor. I think we all have a million purposes, some which we are not even aware of. You have as many purposes in this world as the amount of times that your heart beats. Feel that little thumping on your chest? Woah. Some force out there (whatever you believe) caused you to be here. Now. Changing and loving this world.

I love every single one of you.